This guide assumes the reader has some culinary knowledge and/or common sense and is not an idiot. The culinary arts are not only one of the nose and tongue but of the eyes. 
Taste, Smell, Look.
Glossary of Terms and Practices
Tom Ass - when you cut Tomatoes for Sandwiches you don't want the ends ending up on the sandwiches - but they're still good tomatoes - - so you save the buts of the toms for salads and other things - which is convenient because otherwise you would have to pit the tomatoes which is a pain in the ass.
Lump of Grass - a collection determined by your own imagination of greenish leafy looking dried herbs and spices.
Good part/Bad part of Green Onions - always cut off the hairy end, but you would normally only use the part from the hairy end till the onion gets dark green. This dark green part is called in this text the ''Bad'' part.
Cukes - cucumbers - I just wanted to say make sure you use a soupspoon and pit the cukes before you cut them.

Table of Contents


1. 1,000 Island Dressing
2. Balzack vinaigrette
3. Black Bean Salad
4. Chicken Salad - Sco-tt's 
5. Chicken Salad - Marc's
6. Chili - Festive Black Bean
7. Chili -3 Bean
8. Crab Salad
9. Egg Salad - Sco-tt's 
10. Egg Salad - Marc's
11. Extreme Rice w/Peppers and Mushrooms
12. Festive Pasta Salad
13. Feta Greek Salad
14. Gazpacho 
15. Green Pesto - w/Sun dried Tomatoes or w/Roasted Veggies
16. Hummus - Basil
17. Hummus - Black Bean
18. Hummus - Cranberry
19. Hummus - Plain
20. Hummus - Roasted Garlic
21. Hummus - Roasted Red
22. Hummus - Spinach
23. Hummus - Sun-dried Tomato
24. Kalmata Olive Pesto
25. Leroy's and Lo-Fat Tuna
26. Marinated Mushroom Salad
27. Panini Spread
28. Potato Salad
29. Quiche - Lorraine
30. Quiche - Spinach Feta
31. Quiche - Veggie
32. Salmon Salad
33. Sun-dried Tomato Pesto
34. Taboulah
35. Thai P-nut sauce and Spicy Sesame Noodles
36. Tomato and Basil Soup

1000 Island Dressing



Hard cooked Egg - finely diced
Pickle - finely diced

Ketchup

Extra heavy duty Mayonnaise 

Frank's Red Hot -optional

Garlic Powder - optional 

Dill Weed - dam optional


A small batch would be 1 egg and 1 pickle but this is generally not enough, especially when adding the last 3 items. These last 3 items need to be added sparsely (extremely sparsely) first and swished around with the pickles and the egg before adding the Ketchup and mayonnaise. You want these items well circulated and the swishing method is the easiest and surest way to do this. You don't want anyone to know you've added these ingredients, yet you do want them to be more interested than they would be normally in such a bourgeoisie dressing.








Balzack (Balsamic) Vinaigrette
1 lump of grass 
Balsamic Vinegar
Olive Oil 


Mix in a bowl.
Ratio of Oil to Vinegar should be somewhere between 2/3 to 1/3 and absolute equality. 











Black Bean Salad

1 Can of Black Beans
2 bunches Green Onions (good part only) Diced
Random assemblage of Tom Ass - Diced 
2 Cukes - Diced 
Random assortment of Peppers - Diced
Italian dressing 
1 bunch Cilantro
6 cloves Garlic
Celery Salt - to taste
Frank's Red Hot - to taste

Put Garlic and Cilantro in the Cuisinart (food Processor) add Italian dressing when garlic and cilantro is desirable. Throw into a bowl with everything else, adding Franks and Celery Salt last.

Sco-tt's amendment
Omit Italian Dressing. Cook some Rice and throw it in there and thaw some frozen corn and throw it in there. Lube it up with some kind of light Oil and fresh squeezed Lemon juice - lime juice if you're lucky.

Chicken Salad


1 Huge chunk of Chicken
8 stalks of Celery - diced
1 Big Red Onion - diced
2 Bunches Green Onion - (once in a blue moon) -diced
Heavy Duty Mayo

Sco-tt's spices
Thyme
Parsley Flakes
Tarragon
Oregano
Celery Salt to taste
Crushed Red Pepper
Lemon Juice

Marc's spices
Coriander
Parsley flakes
But load of Cinnamon
Nutmeg

Boiling a Huge chunk of Chicken
Sco-tt
Butt load of: Black Pepper, Garlic Salt, Oregano
Slightly less but not too much less: Rosemary - (leaves if you got'em) 

Marc
8 Bay leaves
12 -20 cloves of Garlic
Butt load of Cinnamon

The chicken Boils for around 2 to 2.7 hours. If using bay leaves and Garlic cloves you have to pick them out when the chicken is done. Throw everything in a bowl on top of the chicken parts.
Mix and Beat the crap out of it until all the chicken is shredded and moisture is well balanced. The amount of mayo you use is key - so add 1 dollop at a time.

Chili - (Vegetarian)

1 Can fire roasted tomatoes
Random large assortment of Tom Ass
2 bottles of tomato juice
1 Large Red Onion
A few Green chilies 
Chili Powder - more so in 3 bean
Cumin - more so in 3 bean
Cayenne Pepper
Frank's Red Hot
Tiny bit espresso
1 bunch Cilantro
8 -30 Garlic Cloves

In both recipes mix the cilantro, garlic and espresso in the cuisinart (food Processor)- Prior to adding it to the dry ingredients. Swish it around. Then slightly Process the Fire-roasted tomatoes using the pulse function and add those. Then add the tomato Juice, Then add the spices and Frank's to taste. Neither of these chilies need to be cooked but especially in the 3 Bean chili it is always good to simmer chili for a long time.


Festive Black Bean Chili -This is a lighter Chili - so keep that in mind when adding spices

Frozen Bag of corn
2 Cans of Black beans
2 of each color Pepper - (at least 3 different kinds)

3 Bean Chili

1 can of Pinto Beans
1 can of Kidney Beans
1 can of Black Beans
1 of each color pepper or the equivalent of 1 vibrant looking pepper


Special Note: When serving the frozen timberline (meat) chili  - add ½ a can of Kidney beans and spice it up a bit.

Crab Salad

1 package of Frozen Crab Flavored Pacific Fish
Tiny bit of white Vinegar
Very little Heavy duty Mayo
Black Pepper
The yellow-ish part of the center of the celery stalk -leaves included - diced



Use all of that part of the celery, and make it look pretty. 
The crab must be completely thawed. You can do this quickly by immersing the unopened package in hot water for up to 10 or 20 minutes. The crab must be squished heavily. It should look kind of shreddy. Then squish everything else with it.



Egg Salad

1 Bag of already cooked and peeled eggs
4-9 stalks of Celery
Black Pepper
Celery Salt
Heavy duty Mayo

Marc
1 heaping white plastic soup spoon or 1 red scoop (what we use for cream cheese) of Dijon mustard.

Sc0-tt
Garlic Powder or maybe Garlic Salt
Paprika


Slice the eggs both ways. Dice the Celery. Mix with the remaining ingredients till a desired consistency is surmounted.

Extreme Rice w/Red Peppers and Mushrooms

Wild Rice/white rice mixture
Red Peppers - julienned
Button Mushroomed - sautéed in Sesame Oil, sliced if desired, or whole

Sauce
10 cloves Garlic 
1.5 bunches green Onions - use the bad part as well as the good
2 cups Soy sauce
½ cup Water
Ginger to taste
Frank's Red Hot to taste
Cayenne Pepper to taste

Mix in the cuisinart (food processor) processing the garlic and green onions first. Add to the Dry ingredients.



Festive Pasta Salad

Any desired Pasta
Sliced Black Olives
Random Assortment of Tom Ass or Red Pepper - diced
1 or 2 Cukes - diced
Random collection of other kinds of peppers - diced
Red Onion - diced
Green onion - once in a while - diced
Italian dressing
Black Pepper
Oregano
Garlic Powder
Dried Cilantro
Crushed Red Pepper - optional

Slightly undercook the pasta. Combine with other ingredients. Really nothing to it.


Feta Greek Salad

1 Cuke - diced
3 handfuls of Feta Cheese - crumbled
Several Sun dried tomatoes - cut in some fashion
2 handful Kalmata olives - cut in half
2 handfuls (Spanish) Green Olives
Random color coordination of sliced Black Olives
Italian Dressing
Cumin - to taste
Nutmeg - to taste
Garlic Powder - to taste

Mix all ingredients. Use the pimentos in the Green olives liberally. Squish the feta joyfully so that the no pure whiteness is seen.




Gazpacho 

3 Yellow Peppers
3 Green Peppers
or
2 yellow
2 orange
2 green

(diced)

1 or 2 Red Onion - diced
2 bunches of Green Onion (good parts only) -diced
Random assemblage of Tom Ass -diced
7-8 Cukes - diced
1 bunch Cilantro
15 Cloves of Garlic
Italian Dressing
1 can of Fire-roasted tomatoes
3 bottles tomato Juice
Frank's Red Hot - to taste
Cayenne Pepper - to taste
Black Pepper - to taste 


Blend Garlic, cilantro, Italian dressing and the spices in food processor. Add this mixture FIRST to the dry ingredients.
Swish around liberally before adding the fire-roasted tomatoes (also processed) and the tomato juice. Season some more to taste.





Green Pesto

6 cloves Garlic 
A little more than the garlic of BASIL
Olive oil - enough for a desirable consistency
Rosemary
Onion Powder
Oregano
Parmesan (optional)

Blend in food processor, blending the garlic and Basil first. Pine nuts are too expensive.

Green Pesto has been used at the café in conjunction with any kind of pasta with roasted Vegetables or usually with tortellini and Sun dried Tomatoes.





Hummus

Tahini Paste
½ to a whole container of Tahini
at least 9 cloves of Garlic
Lemon juice to make it stiff
Water to make it a paste

Blend in a food processor - Garlic first.
Add 1 can of Garbanzo beans to Tahini paste - blend in food processor. Make 1/3 at a time. Use Lemon Juice and Water to thin out mixture.

Basil Hummus
Blend fresh basil leaves and lemon juice before starting the tahini paste. Incorporate all the basil in the Paste. The paste won't really achieve Pasteness. It will be an oily substance that looks like stuffing. That's ok. You want to incorporate all the oil. It makes the final Hummus look shiny.

Cranberry hummus
For the Holiday season.
Don't put very much garlic in it and very little lemon juice. Cram the hell out of the Paste mixture with Cranberries. Make it nice and red. Season it with cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, or random Pumpkin Pie spices.

Sun-dried Tomato Hummus
Soak the sun-dried tomatoes in lemon juice for a while. Create a sun dried tomato/lemon juice paste before starting the Tahini Paste and incorporate fully before the Garbanzo step.

Spinach Hummus
Use a whole bag of spinach fully thawed and incorporate it in the Tahini Paste. Season with dill weed and white Pepper.

Roasted Red Pepper Hummus
Use half a bucket of Roasted Reds. Incorporate in Tahini Paste. Season with Frank's Roasted Reds and Cayenne pepper.
Roasted Garlic Hummus
Roasting Garlic at the Radio.
As soon as you turn on the oven in the morning throw a whole tray full of garlic in there. Always put it at the very top where there is hardly any room to fit anything - always use that rack. When it's up to 300 degrees or are the desired colour. Take them out.

Spend some time blending the roasted garlic with Lemon Juice. Incorporate it in the Tahini Paste. Add some Olive Oil for shiny-ness.

Black Bean Hummus
This has to be a double batch. So make twice as much Tahini paste and make it as if making plain Hummus. Add Black Beans and Garbanzo beans at the same time. Season with Cumin, Chili Powder, Frank's Red Hot and Cayenne Pepper.






Kalmata Olive Pesto

Random amount of Kalmata Olives in the Cuisinart. Watch out for Pits!!!
Shredded Parmesan cheese.
Olive Oil.

Food process. Not too much oil. But you must lube well. 





Tuna Salad

This recipe was invented by one Leroy the cat. Leroy was the cat owned by the boyfriend now husband of the first assistant manager of the Radio Café. This recipe has been with the café ever since- even in the Scott Aamon/Charles Johnson Era. This timeless recipe has survived many things in spite of Nancy Frank's efforts to remove it from the menu. Keep Leroy Alive.


1 Big Carrot (stripped for Leroy/diced for Lo-fat)
1 bunch Green Onions - diced
2 Pickles -diced
Lemon Juice - to taste
2 big Bags of Tuna
Mo ‘onions - diced
Heavy Duty Mayo for Leroy - Reduced Calorie Mayo for Lo-Fat
Dill Weed - to taste
1 large Red Onion - diced


Mix all Ingredients together. Knead the Tuna. Beat the living hell out of the tuna. If you don't beat it enough it will start to leak later.



Marinated Mushroom Salad


Button Mushrooms marinated in a Balsamic Vinaigrette
Vibrant looking Peppers - diced or julienned
3 Cukes - diced
Red Onion - diced
Sun-dried tomatoes - cut in some fashion
Lots of Basil - also cut in some fashion
Fresh Parsley - chopped
1 Carrot - diced

Mix ingredients in a bowl - watch out for it drying out or coalescing.






Panini Spread


3 bunches of Parsley
2 bunches of Green Onion
Basil - as much as the Green Onion
Black Olives
(Spanish) Green Olives
Dijon Mustard
Heavy Duty Mayo - 1 whole Tub.


Make in 3 batches. 1 bunch of Parsley in the food processor, add 1/3 of the green Onions and 1/3 Basil. Grind up that shiznit. Add 1 beige scoop of Dijon mustard and 1.6 handfuls of each olive. Grind up that shiznit. Fill up the rest of the food processor capacity with Mayo. Grind up that shiznit. 

Repeat 2x. 

Red Skin Potato Salad

5 pounds of ''B Red'' Potatoes
1 not huge but not small Onion - diced
Dill
Lemon Juice
Garlic Salt
Garlic Powder
White Pepper
Heavy duty Mayo
Buttermilk Ranch Dressing
1 rubber Spatula - I'm not kidding around - this is important.

Cut the potatoes into reasonably sized pieces. Throw them all in a pot. Dump much Garlic Salt and ½ as much or less of White pepper in the pot. Water the pot. Boil it. The range is getting worse and worse so its hard to tell how long this will take, so check it after 15 minutes or 20 maybe, and every 5 minutes after that. 
After the Potatoes have been done and have cooled down, throw them in a bowl with the Onions and 2 mississipis of Lemon juice. Put 1 medium sized dollop of Mayo in, and about twice as much Ranch in there.
Mix with Rubber Spatula. Do Not use hands or spoon. If the potatoes have been cooked just right or overdone slightly they will mush and be crappy. You don't want that do you? No.

Quiche

Multiply as needed. 
For 1 quiche you need:

1 frozen uncooked Pie shell
4 eggs.
1 Pint ½ & ½ (any kind of milk product from skim to heavy cream can be substituted.)

Beat Eggs. Add ½ & ½ , Put other ingredients (see below) in Pie Shell. Dump egg mixture into Pie shell. Garnish.
Put in 425 degree oven for 13 minutes. Cool Oven down to 240 degrees. Bake for another Hour. Let sit in oven to cool.

Lorraine:
Bacon
Swiss Cheese
Black Pepper
Garlic Powder
Paprika - garnish


Veggie:
Standard here at the café seems to be: mushrooms, Broccoli and red Pepper, if putting carrot in, shred it like cheese. Put multiple cheeses in it - but don't put Feta or Swiss in there. 
Garlic Salt
Oregano


Spinach Feta: 
Duh.
+ white pepper
garlic powder
Dill Weed - garnish





Salmon Salad

Cooked Salmon 
Carrots - diced
Celery - diced
Green Onion - diced
Black Pepper
Dill
Lemon Juice
Heavy Duty Mayo

As of this writing I haven't made this yet. So I don't know about proportions just yet.
Mix it all together and taste.







Sun-dried Tomato Pesto

Lemon juice
Sun-dried tomatoes
Basil - finely chopped
Onion powder
Oregano
Parsley
Olive Oil
Rosemary
Parmesan - (optional)



Soak the Sun-dried tomatoes in lemon Juice for as long as you can. Crush them in the food processor. Add olive oil to get the dudes flowing. Add dry ingredients to taste. Add enough olive oil to the desired consistency. Pine nuts are too expensive.


Taboulah

1 normal sized bunch of Parsley - softened and ginzu chopped
1 bunch Green Onion - diced
assortment of tom ass - diced 
1 cuke - diced 
3 fistfulls of bulgar wheat - cooked
1 tiny onion - diced
Mint - finely chopped
The juice of 2 lemons
Tiny bit Olive Oil
Salt
Pepper

Mix ingredients together. Adding salt and pepper to taste- last.




Thai P-nut sauce

9 - 11 cloves of Garlic
1 or 2 bunches Green Onion - (good and bad parts - or just the bad)
Lots of P-nut Butter
½ cup to 1 cup Sugar
¼ cup White Vinegar
1 cup Soy sauce
¾ cup water
Frank's red hot
Cayenne pepper
Grind Garlic and Green onion in food processor first. Add wet ingredients - except red hot. Then dry - except cayenne pepper. Then add P-nut Butter. Achieve desired consistency (soupy for noodles, kind of thick for sandwiches) with P-nut Butter (and water if it needs thinning). Add Red Hot and Cayenne Pepper to taste.

Spicy Sesame Noodles

Boil up some linguini. As soon as you drain it throw a bunch of sesame oil on it. Mix it up. Add the Thai P- nut Sauce in bowl. Maybe throw some toasted sesame seeds on it. Done.

Tomato and Basil Soup